Self-Discovery is something you think about for newborns and toddlers. We should think about it throughout our lives especially as adults. All of our lives change and evolve over the years and I believe we should always be on self-discovery paths. However, it isn’t the social norm. I feel like at some point in our early adulthood we are stamped with “This is who and what you will be”. We need to give ourselves permission to remove that stamp and grow and evolve as our life grows and evolves. Don’t allow yourself to be placed into a box with labels of who you will be.
What is Self-Discovery?
Self-Discovery is learning about yourself which includes:
- Dreams & Goals
- Desires
- Beliefs
- Feelings
- Character
As I mentioned these will change and evolve throughout our lives. We need to spend more time on self-discovery and remember that we need to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. This process will make you step out of your comfort zone and that is ok.
Life Changes Require Self-Discovery
Life changes will affect all of the above. You think you know yourself and BAM life deals you a drastic change or even a change you were expecting and now you have to relearn who you are. Everyone has major life changes that occur. Some of these changes are quiet and common and some are traumatic. Whatever cards you are dealt with will require new self-discovery afterwards.
- Did you and your spouse have future plans but now you are divorced?
- Were you a mom for the last 18-years and now an empty-nester?
- Have you been a caretaker for an ailing family member and now they are no longer with you?
- Were you on a career path with set goals and that has abruptly changed?
All of these scenarios require you to reevaluate yourself after you have gotten to the other side of the change. Some of the examples are expected and some aren’t, either way, your life has just drastically changed.
My Life Changes
Within a matter of three months, out of the blue my husband left my daughter and I, lost my parents and two of my dogs, sold my house, lost my job, and lost two best friends. That is A LOT in ninety days! Obviously, I had to grieve and process my way through all of that but afterwards I was left with this emptiness. All my plans, dreams, even a lot of my daily life had been lost too. I was left with only being a mom and I poured my heart and soul into that because that was all I had left at that time. Well that wasn’t the best thing to do since I was somewhat smothering her, and she was about to fly the coop and I was becoming an empty nester.
After moving her into her college dorm, I quickly realized on my flight home that I had no idea who I was and what I wanted. It was time to start learning what that was.
It is ok for Dreams to Change
I have had a dream of owning an RV for years. After my daughter went off to college, that dream evolved into living in an RV fulltime and traveling North America. Full timing became even more of a dream when the pandemic hit, and it wasn’t as easy to travel. A month or two ago I almost took out a loan and bought the “perfect” Class C that was a “great deal”. Something in my gut kept telling me to hold off and I backed out in the very last minute. I beat myself up for weeks about not grabbing that “great deal”.
I had some vacation days to burn up, so I decided to rent an RV for nine nights and try this adventure out. As it got closer to the RV being delivered, excitement was keeping me up at night. Did I have some fears mixed in, of course! It arrived and I loaded it up for 9 nights and the dogs and I took off. I immediately thought oh this isn’t as hard to drive as I anticipated. The next two days that I drove it were very difficult. The wind made me fight the wheel the entire time. On my third day, I realized this isn’t how I see my life. On the fourth day I returned the RV and came home.
My dream just ended.
I had a couple of hours of embarrassment for having verbalized my dream to so many people and grief over losing my dream. However, now I am proud of myself for fighting through the fears I had prior to the trip, tackling all the newness and difficulties about RV life and succeeding. I tried something out and realized it wasn’t for me and that is ok!
My self-discovery process will start again and I will discover a new dream. This is exactly how self-discovery should be. It is a rinse and repeat type process. You have a dream then you discover it isn’t what you want or isn’t possible any longer due to life changes so then you start over and come up with something new.
How Do I Discover Who I Am?
The hardest part to self-discovery is learning and allowing yourself to go through the process. Give yourself permission to start something, realize you don’t like it, and move on. That being said I am not saying to quit something. Don’t stop whatever you are trying because it is hard, or you don’t know how to do it. Those feelings are part of the self-discovery process. You will be uncomfortable, and this is a sign that you are stepping outside your comfort zone.
You will need to question yourself and start reevaluating what you feel, believe, and desire. Start with these questions:
- Do you still believe what you believed previously?
- Are you still as passionate about your hobbies as you were?
- Is there something in the back of your mind that you try to ignore but it keeps resurfacing?
- Are the people around you still positive influences in your life?
- Does your daily life bring you joy? If not, what change would help bring that joy back?
- Where do you see yourself in one year, five years, and ten years? How do you get there?
- Are you on the financial path you want to be on?
- Are you giving back in a way you want to?
Allow yourself time to completely think about everything. This process may take months or even a year. When you are ready, create a mission statement for yourself and your life with your new thought process. Keep your mission statement to be roughly five items. Mine is on an index card and I keep it in my wallet. I pull it out often and review it.
Give Yourself Permission and Find the Positives
This isn’t an easy process and you need to give yourself time and grace. You need to give yourself permission to say living in an RV isn’t for me. It is hard to realize something you have thought about for years is no longer, but this will open the door for something new to enter. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings and process through them. If you don’t do this, you will only be preventing the openness for self-discovery.
It is ok to say, “I don’t believe this anymore” or “I don’t want this in my life anymore” or “This isn’t what I want my life to look like”. Lean into those feelings and flip them into “This is what I want my life to look like” or “I want to do this in the future” or “This is what I believe”. You have to be able to discover the negatives to be able to turn them into the positives.
Self-Discovery Can Be Fun
Do not dread self-discovery. It can be scary and intimidating but it is also very rewarding and fun. You are able to recreate yourself in ways that you haven’t realized you can do. It is all about setting yourself up for your best life. One of my favorite sayings is “Chose Happiness” and that is exactly what self-discovery is all about.
Good Luck and Have Fun on Your Journey of Self-Discovery!
