We have many types of relationships and Fibromyalgia affects them all differently. The effect varies from positive to negative dependent on the person your relationship is with. Here are some of the types of relationships you might have and how they can be impacted by Fibromyalgia.
Parents and Children Relationships
These type of relationships have watched the progression of the Fibromyalgia illness or have never known you without the symptoms. Hopefully these are the easiest relationships to navigate the illness with.
Parents
Parents knew their child as a healthy human and watched the decline as Fibro took over. They should not doubt the illness since they saw the progression. Unfortunately, there are some parents that ignore the fact their child is ill and use harsh words against us. While there are other parents that smother us with “help” that it becomes too much to manage. Parents love their child so much that they can’t bear the fact their child is in pain. It is our job to communicate exactly what our needs are and how they evolve over time.
Children
Children have typically grown up watching their parent suffer and don’t know any different. As they get older, they meet other adults and begin to understand that their parent is in pain. Most children have enormous amounts of empathy and cope with their parents’ pain as well as can be expected. Some of us try and shield our children from what we are experiencing. However, children are smarter than we give them credit for and we should let them in on good days and bad days.
Relationships with Significant Others
These are hard and can be very hurtful or very rewarding.
Dating
If you are not in a relationship prior to Fibro, and you are dating, then when to share your illness comes into question. Fibro support groups fall into two camps, and they seem to be split 50/50. Tell the significant other as early as possible while others think you should wait as long as you can and until there are significant feelings towards each other.
Telling them no later than the second date is my opinion. Fibromyalgia patients have enough to handle, and broken hearts shouldn’t be something else to manage. Hopefully your feelings aren’t that significant by the second date and you will see if he/she is a runner. Having fallen into both camps, I have found that the stress of canceling dates and hiding symptoms were harder on me. I have more recently started telling potential dates in the first or second phone call prior to meeting for the first date. I don’t think the timing matters as much as the person. If the potential significant other is going to be supportive then they will be no matter when you share so you might as well jump in with the news. Open and honest communication are a foundation of a relationship and Fibromyalgia is part of who you are.
Husbands / Wives
Your partner has suffered with you if you were married or dating for a significant amount of time prior to your illness. They have seen the vibrant person be taken over by chronic illness. They have been beside you through the millions of doctor appointments and testing. To some degree they have had Fibro also. As time wears on, hopefully they will stick beside you and support you. If the relationship falls apart, then know that there is someone else out there that will support you! A partner that isn’t supporting you isn’t going to help your mental health and our mental health has a lot to do with our physical health. I know this sounds harsh, but we should only allow positive and supportive people in our lives! Anything else is stressful.
Relationships with Friends and Coworkers
You will have various levels of relationships with these individuals. Some of them may have walked beside you during the entire journey while others might have just entered your life.
Friends
Unfortunately, a lot of us will lose friends during the Fibro journey while we will also gain a few critical friendships. If we are invited to parties, dinners, and other events and we cancel on a regular basis due to lack of energy or a flare, people do not understand this and eventually fade into the past. There are the few friends that do understand it and will show up at your doorstep with their PJs on and lay in bed watching trash tv with you.
Coworkers
This group is very similar to the friends group. I have learned that it is best to tell everyone that you work closely with. In the past, team members realized that I am having brain fog and have jumped in and finished my sentences during a meeting. I have had others finish some simple projects because they knew I was in the middle of a flare. At the same time, I have been ridiculed and called lazy. Again, the open and honest communication has been the best for me in the past.
This is an illness that is invisible, and many people do not take the time to educate themselves and to understand it. Since they can’t see it, they think we are making it up. The more Fibromyalgia patients can help individuals be educated about this illness, the more promising the future of that relationship is. Share social media pages and links to articles with them. Even screenshotting memes that you find and texting it to them can help. They are then seeing other people’s thoughts and comments and not just yours. It will open their world to Fibromyalgia and hopefully improve your relationship.
Relationships are difficult for healthy people so it is obvious that some can be more difficult when you have a chronic illness. Please have faith that there is hope and you can have beautiful relationships while having Fibromyalgia.
